Stocktake complete

I almost don't want to write it, for fear of it being true, or not true after all: I believe that I've had the big rest, the time to do something different which I SO needed in this trip. I'm ready for a new step, more active again.

This trip began as a desperation to be in Europe, part of this big world up here, where I feel right-side up. To introduce my children to my grandmother, to re-bond with what is also me, to show my boys that the world is so much bigger, that there are sides to their mother which they could not begin to imagine, over there on sunny Bar Beach after school one day. To explore the big world again, to immerse myself in it. Not to work. Travel.

And it's become a stocktake, a reflection of The First Half, with some thoughts now able to start about what I might do with The Second Half. Much bigger than I even knew. Confirmation that I am not a great at-home mum, even though I love them to pieces. I need a way to contribute as an adult, independent of all.

It's also really not sounding like a third child is on our horizon. I have treasure, two lively treasures, who will need, and get, so much of my best, who challenge me, surprise me, enrich me every day. So there's still a bit of room for me just to be me, in a way not mother/wife/daughter. The weepy part of me wails, the awake part sees that it's a good thing we've got going. Why change the balance - when it will change naturally, as everyone gets a bit older, into new things? It's other people's turns to do the babytime, I had mine, I did.

Leathermanman has made his big decision - to leave Psychiatry, and go for General Practice. Months of talking at every point, emails to all, oh and another thought on the subject. It was final one evening in Turkey: he went to the email, from our huts among the orange groves in Olympos and emailed the news. I sat around the fire, watching flames crackle, and was STOPPED with the reality of this moment: it's done. He's decided. Consequences for me too, I can think of my own path, can shape a path in line with that too.

Thought all this as I did washing, unpacking, paper sifting, after 2 FANTASTIC weeks holiday in Turkey. Couldn't talk about it till a few days later.

Easter Sunday

In Kas, picturesque town on the Mediterranean coast of Turkey. Hiding chocolate eggs on the sunny rooftop terrace of a hotel in an Islamic country.

The Hideaway Hotel is divine, the stuff of fantasy - two big beds, separated by a bathroom with a huge spa bath and all white, balconies off each side, rooftop terrace with views over the sea, the sea, the sage-green olives, the ruins of an amphitheatre, the sailing boats, the wistful blue yonder!

From buffet breakfast of eggs, white cheese, black olives, crusty white bread, apple tea, tomato and cucumber slices, tea, tea, tea - to a wander through the streets. Time on our hands, sun on our backs. Shopping for bowls, taking an hour to choose a perfect set of 6 for our life, crazy colourful bowls for breakfast. Walking together, in search of a beach, a swim.

Hours in a small stony bay, dipping in and out of COLD water, the tourist-shade of blue nonetheless. Time to talk together, take photos, read books, throw stones, watch ocean-going ducks, and get dressed again, in search of more food. Sun on our faces, rest seeping into our bones.

Happy Easter!

Flying into Istanbul

The whole day has been exciting - flying over Europe, off on a holiday, just us four. Together for 2 whole weeks. Packed in two backpacks, nothing extra, planning on hopping on and off buses, staying where we please, as it's still early in the season. Easter, open spaces, open fires, Roman ruins, good food - that's what we want.

We're nervous, will we be able to keep our wits and kits together? Will this actually work - a new step up with our boys, as neither of us has been here before, neither of us speak the language, bigger notion of travel with children. Will the money do? It's tight. The tickets are frequent flyer points - using them to get tickets home didn't work, so one day in October, LMM said, how about Turkey? We've talked about it for 10 years, yep. Time to do it now then!

It's night, after some hours flying over golden twinkling cities, must be Bulgaria below..wish I'd bought the MAC lipstick at Heathrow...

And suddenly, in the same space-time as me, is Istanbul below. Unmistakeable mosques along the hillsides, the Bosforus curling along, minarets to the sky. It's huge, warmer, awake at 11pm. It begins.

We're collected by the driver from our hotel, the Alp Guesthouse, right in Sultanahmet. Arranged by email, online in a day, before we left. We're that kind of traveller for a day now, with LMM off night shifts again only this morning, and the late arrival.

We're really here, all this way over on the map, the edge of Europe, the ancient boundary, the start of Asia, from the wrong side. To me, Asia usually starts at Bali, or even Darwin really..

And under the Aya Sofya is out hotel, new fitout, just like the pictures. Back into the travel-saddle as soon as I see the late open shops, and small streets, I go down to buy beer and juice, get given a cucumber - and then LMM, the Pumpkin and I sit on our rooftop terrace, actually, incredibly overlooking the Bosforus, v pleased with ourselves, excited at the beginning! I think the beer always tastes great at this first arrival point, don't it?

Squirrel caught red-handed

Red squirrel sighting. On Sunday, as part of the school's annual Easter egg hunt, I found myself volunteering to help set up. On a windy but sunny spring day, 10 or so parents and friends spread out across Fota Park, near Cork to set up egg hunting and games challenges for children at the primary school. Caroline (one of the French mums) and I found ourselves a lovely open space, with plenty of good hiding spots and lawn for the 3-legged race - and it corresponded to the spot we should be, on the map to be given out to teams of kids on arrival.

We hid our eggs, commenting on what was too hard, too easy, how to replenish them once the first groups of kids came through, and then sat in the sun before the rush. A movement near an especially pretty hiding spot (an easy one, for the smallies!) caught our eyes.

A red squirrel, cute as any children's book, sat there, peeling the foil off an egg. We chased it away, so it skipped up the tree, jumped to another, and stared down at us, egg securely in hand. So then we checked other hiding spots, and think we lost 4-6 eggs to a very bold critter. Sorry kids, if there weren't enough eggs to find at the 3-Legged Race Station! They may be scarce here too, but that one will have done itself no favours on Sunday!